Just a quick little post...
It's amazing how the smallest of things can help: I was worrying somewhat that I would lose the few subscribers that I have because of all the boo-hooing lately, and lack of creative sharing (I did have one person un-sub, as a matter of fact), but had many reassurances via comments and emails that you all are hanging in there with me - thank you!
Today I went to my Feedblitz email folder to see whose updates I'd missed, and I have a new subscriber! I'm always pleased to see someone else join us, but to have someone like what they see well enough to subscribe in spite of the downer turn lately, is really heart-warming!
The calling hours for Chris are this afternoon, and the services are tomorrow morning, so I had to get a sympathy card to take along. That has to be THE hardest card purchase ever! The one that said exactly what I wanted to say was all flowery and purple, and had the name of the person who wrote the sentiment plastered all over it, so I put it back in the rack. I think I read every single non-religious sympathy card there (I'm not sure what Donna's affiliations and/or beliefs are and don't want to assume). Do you know how hard it is to keep your composure while going through this process? I was in a very crowded store and had all I could do to maintain before I reached the privacy of my car.
I asked Greg yesterday why it was so much harder losing Chris than it was losing my parents, and all we could come up with is that I knew for quite a while before my parents passed (my mother from leukemia, my father from complications of Alzheimer's) that it was coming, and with Chris it was so sudden and he was so young. I almost feel guilty that this is the case, but there it is...
I asked Greg if he wanted me to clip Chris's obituary to save, and he said no - it was hard enough for him to see it in the paper the first time. I figured that would be the case, but I had to ask...
I don't know if this is what happens when any firefighter dies, but the fire department in the town where Chris died escorted him to the town line where they met the next fire department, and they joined in, and when they reached the next town line, that fire department joined in, and they went on that way all the way back to where Chris lived. Pretty darn cool...
Okay - just wanted to point out a couple of bright moments in the bleak landscape - thanks again! Gotta try to get some work done before Greg gets home to clean up for the calling hours...
I'm so sorry for your loss. It seems always more difficult to accept the death of a young person. We expect our parents to die before we do, which seems to make it a little bit easier to deal with. Big hugs to you.
Posted by: lacyquilter | September 24, 2009 at 03:12 PM
Good luck today, chica! Be strong, but cry if you need to, it's ok. It's how our hearts start to heal. That's really cool what the firefighters do! I got a lump just reading about it. I think you're right about the surprise loss vs an expected loss... with the expected loss you have some time to start the grieving and prepare for it before it happens. With the surprise loss you're just thrown into the grieving process all at once and it's sink or swim... both ways hurt a lot, though, no matter what.
Glad to see you are having some bright moments!
I will see you when I get back from vacation in a couple of weeks!
Hugs to you girlfriend!
Love,
mE
Posted by: Erin G | September 25, 2009 at 07:37 AM
I just want to say I feel your loss and want you to know that if you need to take more time, do it. Your faithful followers will understand and those who don't...well then it is their loss. I lost a very dear friend last year in July, she had just celebrated her 44th birthday. It was a car accident. I still miss her so much. There are so many things I do that remind me of the the wonderful times we had together. Those memories are so special to me. I did save the obituary and the folder from her funeral and my intent is to scrapbook them...I haven't been able to do that yet and maybe I will decide it isn't as important as just remembering the good times. I wish there was something to say to ease your pain, but just know you are thought of and Chris' life will be celebrated by good friends like you.
Posted by: Paula | September 25, 2009 at 11:49 AM
Be true to yourself and honor your needs during this difficult time. It's horribly hard and painful, but it is a process~ allow yourself to feel it & live it and the healing will come. Please know that you have friends across the country who are supporting you as you grieve. Big hugs to you, my friend. Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn (mlj-mlj) | September 25, 2009 at 08:38 PM