random.on purpose.

I Believe in Miracles

Note on today's post: As my blog header states, I am striving to find my true voice and speak clearly.  Today's post is of a spiritual nature and is very much of the "true voice" mindset.  I make no apologies for my views or for stating them, but absolutely honor your right to believe otherwise...

I had a profound experience this morning that moved me to tears.  Martha Beck - life coach and author - wrote an article for O magazine about miracles, which I have just finished reading.

As I finished reading, I felt a little piece of my heart and soul that has been missing in action for the past twenty years return home.  There are no words available to me to adequately convey the emotions that I feel right now.

The backstory:  I was raised by Mormon parents whose families both go way back in Mormon history.  My father's great-great-great grandfather Charles Shumway owned the first wagon train that crossed the river leaving Nauvoo, Illinois on the epic journey west to Utah.  My maternal grandparents were born in Oaxaca, Mexico in the polygamist colonies founded by the Mormons when polygamy was declared illegal in the United States.

As the Mormon roots ran so deep, it followed naturally that Mormon theology would figure prominently in my upbringing.  The Mormon religion is not just a doctrine, but an all-encompassing way of life.  Pretty much every aspect of one's life is guided - some would say dictated - by Mormon doctrine and the guidance of the leadership of the Church.*

For the first thirty-five years of my life, this was my reality.  Everything I believed and everything I did was in line with Mormon belief (except for the usual, typical missteps of youth).  I never questioned the doctrine, but rather found great comfort in it and believed with all my heart.  Hymns could move me to tears, I saw God's hand in everything, and felt that I was a part of something bigger and better than myself.

Then came my divorce.  Things had gradually gone from bad to worse in my marriage.  I would hear a talk (Mormons do not use the word sermon, but the concept is the same) in church that addressed an issue I was dealing with at home and I would think, "My husband needs to hear this", but every time I had that thought, my husband was absent.  He would be on a promotional trip or recording with the band or what-have-you, but he was not beside me in church hearing the instructions that might save our marriage if he heeded them.

Eventually things got bad enough that - for me - they were intolerable.  Our relationship was starting to have negative effects on our children and I knew that something had to change.  My thought was - literally - that these children needed a different father.

Things almost never go the way you expect them to, even if you're naive enough to think that they will.  I had stayed long enough in a bad situation that I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally and was incapable of making sound choices.  I had no employment history or skills, no education to speak of beyond high school, and was ill-prepared to be a single mother of six.

Friends involved in the situation, trying to be helpful, only confused the matter and turned it into something other than what it was really about.  Church leaders were confused, as well, and were ineffective at best, and harmful at worst, in dealing with any of it or trying to provide guidance.

The long and short of it is that - through a series of very odd circumstances that I could not understand except in hindsight many years later - my children did not get a new father, they got a new mother.  I was completely displaced and adrift.  I went from being a full-time, stay-at-home mom (for fifteen years) to not being a mom at all.  The scope of that devastation has repercussions to this day.

I had been taught all my life that my purpose here on earth was to provide physical bodies for God's spiritual children (in the sanctity of a temple marriage, of course) and raise them in righteousness.  Now that I wasn't doing that, I felt that I had no purpose - no reason to be here at all.  Dark days, those...

I truly felt that God had turned His back on me, if there even was a God, and I entered a non-believer phase.  Well, not truly non-believer, more doubt and questioning and where-the-hell-do-I-stand now?

In my new paradigm, I was open to new ideas and began to study other belief systems, healing arts, self-help, New Age and other such things.  Any time I came across a thought or idea that resonated as Truth, I adopted it into my belief system, and this became my "religion".

Even so, the core of magic and miracles and deep resonance with the Universe was missing.  Where I used to look all around me and see God's hand everywhere, I now just saw objects.  The closest I can come to explaining the difference is to compare it to a stained-glass window  with no light shining through it.  The window is still there, and still beautiful, but the full glory is missing without that glow.

I missed God.  I missed my faith.  I missed the surety of knowing that I was on the right path, that I was doing the right thing.  I missed my spirituality.  I knew that there was something operating in the Universe, and I've never believed in "coincidence";  I'm very much of the "everything happens for a reason" school of thought.  But the reassurance that there was something - someone - aware of me, supporting me, available to me - was still missing.

This morning as I read Martha Beck's article it hit home that whether I use the label "God" or "Universe" or "higher power" doesn't matter.  Whether there is one being or a collective entity of caring souls or some as-yet undefined power doesn't matter.  What matters is that we are watched and guided and supported and that miracles do happen.  What matters is that experiences that I doubted and questioned were real, after all.  What matters is that I am wholehearted again.  Amen.

 

*Although I do not now and will probably never again consider myself a Mormon, I am still incredibly grateful for the foundation that my religious upbringing gave me, and have nothing but genuine respect for those who find the Church and its teachings viable.  I very much believe that it is imperative to follow whichever path resonates with your heart, and I very much believe that all paths lead to the same destination, anyway...

Twelve Days of Christmas?

Did you know that the Twelve Days of Christmas are NOT the twelve days before Christmas?  The twelve days are from Christmas Day to Twelfth Night (yes, the same one used as the setting for Shakespeare's play), which is January 5th,  followed on the 6th by the Feast of the Epiphany.  You can read all that you'd ever need to know about this HERE.

Why am I telling you this?  Because - like many other bloggers - I intend to do something here on the blog on each of those twelve days, but - unlike most of them - I'm doing so on the actual Twelve Days of Christmas.  Just wanted to give you something to look forward to post-holiday...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (where did that phrase come from and why?  I also wonder about "man alive!", but I digress...what's a tangent? ), I have a few countdown-to-Christmas things planned, as well!  For example, here's the second of the old/new tutorials I did for Sweet 'n Sassy Stamps that are forever lost in the ether unless I post them here.  Again, some details could be sketchy, so you may want to read through the whole tutorial before you begin in case there's something unclear or that I left out:

TUTORIAL: Naughty/Nice Chart

Materials needed:

• Owl diecut, punch, or stamp (and whatever you need to color or paper-piece it)
• Alphabet stamps or stickers
• Inks of choice
• Ribbon or strip of decorative paper
• Colored cardstock
• White or ivory cardstock
• Ruler
• Pencil
• Fine-tip black pen (or other colors, as desired)
• Two old-school pencils with erasers (unused)
• Craft knife

To begin, create your owl.  I stamped and paper-pieced the owl from Owl Occasions from Sweet 'n Sassy Stamps.  You also need to play around with the alphabet stamps to determine spacing for the header.  Do this on scrap paper, with the paper in landscape orientation so it's wider than it is long.  I used My Sentiments Exactly Retro Alphabet and Stampin'Up! Little Letters.  I wish I could give you dimensions, but they're long gone...  After you've determined how much space you need to leave for your owl and header, cut the ivory cardstock to width, but leave it longer than needed for now.  You can stamp the lettering, but don't attach the owl yet.

Using the ruler and leaving enough space below the header for a decorative strip, mark endpoints for the horizontal rows - one for the dates and one for each name that will be going on the chart.   Now mark the vertical columns, one for each of the 24 days, by making a tick mark with the pencil every 1/4', beginning at the right side, and working your way back to the left.  When you determine where these columns will end on the right, mark the top line for the dates, as well:

Using the black fine-tip pen, draw all the lines you just marked.  I did a double wavy line (hides a lot of sins).  I've found that the best way to do this is to rotate your paper so that you are pulling the pen towards you, as opposed to drawing across the paper.  You don't have to worry too much about perfection or about trying to make the lines wavy, that will be a natural outcome of what you're doing.

Using your alphabet stamps, stamp each name on its own row.  Write the numbers for the dates with a pen.  Trim the bottom of the cardstock below the last name, then cut the colored cardstock the appropriate size to mat it.  Also cut a strip of decorative paper or a ribbon and adhere it below the header and above the grid.  I used a strip of Cosmo Cricket Honey Pie matted with the same green I used for the chart.  Attach the owl over this strip.

Now we need something to mark the naughty/nice part, right?  Here's where the old-school pencils come in.  Draw and carve a star on the eraser of one, and just carve off tiny bits of the other one:

 
Flatten the top of the "chunked out" one a bit by rubbing it on paper like you're erasing something, but make sure you have the pencil straight up and down.  The idea is to end up with handmade stamps that will do this - stars for nice, and lumps of coal for naughty!

When you use it, it looks like this:

And that's that!  Hopefully this was clear enough for you to be able to execute the project without too much grief...

Thanks for joining me again!  Still one more new/old tutorial to go...stop by and see!

 

 

Tutorial: Banner Blocks

Hello again!  I'm setting some kind of record this week, I'm thinkin' - multiple posts and multiple tutorials?  I hope you don't get used to this, because I'm not sure it's sustainable...  Enjoy it while you can, though, right?

I was doing some maintenance here on the blog and noticed that the links to a few of my tutorials went....nowhere...  They were for posts I did as a guest designer for Sweet 'n Sassy Stamps a couple of summers ago.  The company has since revamped their website, blog, etc., and all the prior stuff is gone.  I contacted the owner (Korin is a sweetie!) who confirmed this sad fact, so I'm re-gearing to post the tutorials here.

The good news is that I still have pics - the bad news is that it's been long enough that I may be sketchy on a couple of things.  We'll see...  Anyway, here is the first of those:

TUTORIAL: BANNER BLOCKS

Materials needed:

• Wooden blocks (mine are up-cycled from un-mounting rubber stamps)
• Binder clips (obviously they do not need to match)
  
• Papers of choice (I used Basic Grey Boxer and Cosmo Cricket Honey Pie)
  
• Stamps/inks of choice (I used Sweet 'n Sassy Stamps Snow Friends and Close to My Heart Cobblestone Alphabet)
  
• Ribbons of choice (good use for leftover bits)
  
• Adhesives (I used Royal Coat Decoupage Medium, Dimensional Magic, glue dots and foam tape)
  
• Punches (optional - I used a scalloped square and a corner rounder)
  

To begin, measure your blocks and cut a strip as wide as the block is tall, and long enough to wrap around and overlap a bit so you can adhere the ends.  Glue it to the block, making sure that it's smooth and even. I also cut a piece to fit onto the top of the block to finish it (I traced around the block, then cut)  Cut strips that fit your binder clips, too, and adhere them (All of this is where I used the Royal Coat):

Stamp and/or color your images:

Cut them out and assemble them:

I also added some Snow Writer to their hats.  Did you notice that the Mom and Dad are each missing a hand?  That's where the heart they were holding got lopped off when I cut them out.  We'll fix it in the next step...

Add them to your blocks and embellish as desired (this is where Dimensional Magic and glue dots come into play).  I used snowflake sequins and teensy stars to gussy mine up a bit (and give Mom and Dad something to hold).  I also used more Snow Writer around the bottoms of all three.  Tie a bow in each of your ribbons and stick them onto the clips with a glue dot:

Next, use Dimensional Adhesive or another stronger adhesive to attach the binder clips to the top of the block.  Stamp whatever letters you need for whatever word you want, then cut out and assemble the tags.  You may notice that I have "extra" ink and embossing powder on my letters.  I didn't even notice when I was making the tags - just figured they were "shabby chic" or something and were supposed to be that way.  They aren't, but I'm okay with them, regardless!  When I stuck the letter to the scalloped square I used foam tape and only put it on the top and both sides - the bottom is open.  That way I can slide the tags over the clip.  That was just a personal preference, though.  You can do them however you want!

 

And here's the finished project again:

And that's it for my first new/old tutorial!  Have fun making some of your own, and please link 'em up if you do!  Buh-bye!

 

Tutorial: CD Clock

As promised, here's a run-down on the clock-making project:

Materials needed:

• CD (preferably one you're up-cycling)
• Scrapbook paper of  your choice
• Sandpaper
• Decoupage medium (I used Royal Coat; others like Mod Podge)
• Washer (more on this below)
• Adhesive that will glue metal to plastic (I used E6000)
• Clock works (available at craft stores - look by the unfinished wood)
• Stamps and inks, if you want to add more to your paper
• Computer and printer, if needed (more on this below)

Before we start actually making the clock, it's necessary to do some preliminary layout with your paper of choice:

If you want to print a quote on it like I did, then play around with the font and spacing until you get it how you like it.  I used the high-tech method of printing it off on regular printer paper ("fast draft" option to save ink), then held it up to the light with the CD behind it to see where everything would be on the finished project.  Keep in mind that it needs to stay contained within a 4 1/2" x 4 1/2" area, and that some of the edges will be cut off because the CD is round - plan accordingly.  After you get it how you'd like, send your actual scrapbook paper through on the regular print option to finish this step:

Alternately, you could stamp a quote or sentiment.  In this instance, you could just trace the outline of the CD onto scrap paper and play around with that until you get it to your liking.  This is also what you will do if you're stamping additional designs.

You also need to prep the CD.  First, "scuff sand" the CD with the sandpaper to give it "tooth", so the paper will adhere properly.  Otherwise, you might be able to peel the whole thing right off, and then where will you be?  Also, you'll need to glue a washer to the back of the CD.  The center hole on the CD is larger than the post on the clock works, so find a washer with an opening the appropriate size and glue it on (make sure it's centered).  I used E600, but you can use whatever works for you.  Here are pictures of these two steps:

Now that you have your paper and CD prepped, you're ready to move on.  Spread an even coat of decoupage medium onto the face of the CD, being especially careful to ensure that there is good coverage around the outer and inner edges, so they don't lift up when you add the clockworks or do the next step.  Smooth the paper on, making sure that it's centered properly.  Let the glue dry before moving on.

To get a nice, smooth edge all the way around, first do a rough cut to trim excess paper away, then use the sandpaper to file away the rest:

You'll also need to carefully cut away the paper covering the center hole.  I used a craft knife.

I wanted more of a finished outside edge, so I used a stubble tool and Black Soot Distress Ink to add some ink around the edges.  It's up to you if you want to do this or not. 

Now just put together the clock!  My clockworks didn't come with any instructions, but I did track down this diagram online:

And there you have it!

You can hang your clock on the wall with the built-in hanger on the clock movement, or set it on a small easel, or whatever floats your boat!  Have fun, and please send me a link if you decide to give it a try!

Tinfoil Tile and Other Kitchen Re-works

Hello again!  True to my word, I'm back with the first of the "big projects".  We've been doing more work on our house, concentrating on the kitchen this go 'round.  A remodel isn't in the budget right now, so we're just trying to make the existing crap-ola more palatable until we can do what we really want to do.

Here's the "after" picture of a corner of the kitchen that I'll be going into more detail about in a minute:

Just for contrast, here's the "before" (taken on our walk-through prior to closing when we bought the house last year):

I painted the countertops gray right after we moved in with Rustoleum Countertop Coating, and we tore out the peninsula/bar (on the right) and moved it to the sunroom so the kitchen was more open to the dining room and everything was less claustrophobic.  I also stripped wallpaper and painted.  I didn't decide what - if anything - I should do with the cabinets until a couple of weeks ago, though.

They are now painted black and have new hardware.  I also painted the walls in the kitchen and dining room a better color and we installed new vinyl tiles on the floor.  I still had this tile behind the stove, though:

Yes, I know the stove is yucky.  I have a brand-spankin'-new one in the basement waiting for our friend to install a gas line for us before we can bring it up, so I'm dealing with this monstrosity for now... 

Back to the tile project:  I saw this post on Vintage Revivals  (one of the blogs I've started following recently) and the ideas started stirring in Odd Brain.  This is what I did:

I got my Cuttlebug and my Shapeabilities dies and some excess cardstock and cut out a bizillion little shapes and decoupaged them to the tile (slight exaggeration - I think there are 150 or so of the fleur de lis, and 32 medallions).  They are arranged sort of checkerboard-style, with alternating rows of medallions and fleur de lis.  This is what that stage looked like:

Closeups of the individual tiles:

Next, I started decoupaging foil onto the tiles, pressing it into the spaces of the diecut shapes and around the edges for some definition.  I started around the edges because I wanted to get all of the straight stuff first, before I started tearing the foil into non-straight pieces:

Here's the whole deal covered in foil:

And a closeup:

After all of that was done, I tinted some glazing medium black and applied it to get this:

It's really hard to get a decent picture of a shiny wall, but the closeup shot gives you a better idea of what it really looks like:

It goes MUCH better with my black cabinets and gray counters!  All for a total cost of...$0.00!  I already had everything on hand to pull this project off - hooray!  I - on purpose - wasn't fussy about light-and-dark variations in the glazing.  I was going for an Old World, handmade type of look, so variation was in keeping with that...

Elsewhere in the re-do - this is the new floor tile:

and before (ugh!):

I still need to make a valance to go above the window and possibly come up with a new solution for the paper towels (since I'm noticing how un-lovely they are in the first pic), but I'm oh-so-happy with things so far!  MUCH better than the countrified, timeworn, not-me look the kitchen had before!

And that's the end of the story?  Thoughts?  Poems?  Anecdotes?

Thanks for stopping by, and check out the other fabulous things Mandi does over at Vintage Revivals - well worth the visit!  I'll be back with more a different day, too!