...never go to bed angry, never put all your eggs in one basket, never make important decisions when you're in a not-great emotional state...
I've been in a bit of a funk this past couple of weeks and completely unable to nail down why. I've been able to identify some contributing factors, but the big WHY remains elusive. It was in this state of mind that I was re-reading some past blog posts (specifically the ones under the "Philosophical Musings" tag). I noticed a recurring (disturbing, yet familiar) theme: I keep saying what a breakthrough I've had on how to go about living my life and/or revamping my blog and/or just generally being a better person, then going right back to the same ol', same ol' - maybe with a tweak or two, but no major shifts...
I felt....ashamed? alarmed? Can't identify exactly what emotion was bubbling up, but it wasn't good. I felt like I should just pull the plug on the ol' blog and go hide in a hole or something. I felt like I owe everyone who ever gave this blog even a passing glance an apology for being so wishy-washy and inconsistent. I felt like a failure.
This morning I'm not really any happier (maybe even a bit more melancholy), but I realize that what I'm going through is probably a common experience for many others beside myself. Nobody is really happy 100% of the time, are they? Everyone faces challenges and setbacks and frustrations and disappointments and all the rest of the gamut that life throws at us.
It's been a rough year here in our corner of the world (okay - maybe the past couple of years), with aging/dying parents, loved ones struggling with substance abuse issues, rocky financial situations, deaths of several of our friends - the list goes on, and is not unique to us, of course.
I made up my mind this morning that "keeping it real" was better than hiding in a hole. That there may be value in laying out for the world to see that you can come through negative and struggle back to happy (I'm working on that now), and realize that, like Einstein said, "I haven't failed., I've just found 10,000 ways that didn't work".
I'm still finding the one way that does. Or maybe there's more than one way. Or maybe the way starts out working but, as we evolve, we need a new and improved way. I'm hoping against hope that the latter is the true thing for me. Maybe I just keep outgrowing what used to work, so I need to shed that and grow a new plan...
Anyway, I'm not trashing the blog, but I'm also not making promises on "new and improved" - I'll just send out a signal now and then on what I've found to be helpful... Enjoy your day, and thanks for stopping by!